Wounds and Scrapes (Gizem)

I once had a guy friend become playfully indignant when I referred to a cut on his leg as a scrape. He told me in a very manly voice that it was a “wound.” Well whatever you call them, cuts, scrapes, bruises or wounds; they hurt like a mother.....!!!

This past weekend I decided to do something crazy……. REALLY CRAZY. I won’t go into the details of that activity (that’s for another blog J) but I will say it left me pretty beat up physically…..cuts, bruises, and a 6 inch “wound”. I think the last major injury I had was when I fell off my bike and scraped my knee way back in elementary school.

While grateful for my life (yeah, it was that bad), I’m still shocked that I actually hurt myself; I never get hurt like this. And I know that compared to nearly dying, bruises and cuts are nothing…but like I said I’m still in shock. Well, shock or no shock, I had to start taking care of myself. As usual I assumed I could do it, just hand over a bit of gauze and tape and I’ll be as good as new. Besides, it was kind of in an awkward location J Arzu helped me do it the first time, and I was grateful for help; truly I was, but I didn’t think I needed it, and truth be told, I thought I could do it better myself. But I let her work. You know just for her sake. I understand the need to be needed, so I didn’t want to be rude or mean by telling her I could take care of the bandaging myself.

Ha. HA HA.

This morning I sat on my bed and laughed at myself trying to unroll gauze, cut the right amount of tape, all without hurting myself more and having everything stay in place.

And I thought I could do this myself.

Yet another lesson in Humility 101; actually I’ve been taking that class for quite a while now ……..

Watching Arzu bandage my wound really made me stop and think.

I wasn’t just grateful to have her help;
I needed her.
I don’t like having to need people.
I want to do things on my own.
I’m happy for you to be with me on the journey, but I can do it alone.
I don’t want to need you.
But I do.
And that scares me.
I don’t want to depend on you, count on you, look forward to your help, have you as a part of my life, and then someday have to say goodbye to you; with snot and tears flowing down wondering if I’d be hurting this bad had I not allowed you in so close.

Oh wait, I thought we were talking about cuts, bruises, scrapes, and wounds? Hmm, wounds eh? Guess God’s having me learn yet again about wounds that I have that need to be healed. Places that need to be bandaged. Places I can’t reach myself. Spots that are embarrassing to expose, yet without the help of another will become infected, dangerous, and poisonous to the entire body.

In Sickness and In Health (Arzu)

Being sick, or I should say ill, is always a humbling experience. Recently, I was quite humbled. We all loaded up and went on a little vacation for the week. I was super excited because I had heard so much about this particular region of the world and was ready to explore it. We had a great first day… however, the second day made a huge turn for the worse. Well, it was worse in some ways… there are a few bright spots. I could tell that Zeynep was not doing so well when we began the day. I was just asking for wisdom on how to be a good friend to her. I had no idea how much of it I would need before the day was over. By lunch time we decided to come back to the pension because Zeynip was not feeling good at all and I was starting to feel funny myself. I just had a sense that it I shouldn’t leave her unless she needed something. So when she took a nap, I took one myself. When she needed sprite, Gatorade, or medicine I went and got it. As the night progressed she got worse and worse. About the time that she started to get a little bit better I got really bad myself.

Humbling experience… here we go! So I have not ever been so ill with food poisioning in my life. Everything I drank came out immediately. Any pride, sense of dignity, anything at all that I had left was gone. It was gone for the whole week. First of all, we were all sharing a room… no privacy. Secondly, we were sharing a bathroom …. Well, you can figure that out. It was horrible. The whole week Zeynep and I did not do too much except for rest. It was not the ideal vacation that’s for sure.

I will say that some pretty great things came out of the pretty horrible situation. My roommates saw a new side of me. I didn’t have much energy to do or say anything and they still loved me a lot. I really think when someone is ill and you stick with them through that it can bring you to a new level of friendship. I’m pretty sure that is what happened that week. They still like me even though they saw me at my worse. I mean, I looked horrible, I felt horrible, I probably smelled horrible, I was not always the most pleasant person to be around… and they still loved me. Gizem cleaned the bathroom and every time I needed anything I could always count on her to get it for me. Zeynep and I were still able to play and laugh even though things were pretty rough. That’s a special friend. It was sweet to grow in this way with them. Even though I was hoping for a vacation, I think that sweeter things came from it in the end. However, next time I go on vacation I am hoping and praying for a vacation!

Everybody Needs A Sam (Arzu)

I love Lord of the Rings. I don't just like it, I love it. I love the books, but recently I have watched the movies again. I love the movies because of the setting of the filming. I love the mountains and the beauty. I enjoy the action parts. The way it can keep you on the edge of your seat. I'm a sap, but I particularly like the love scenes. The sacrifice that is made for the sake of love, simply can't be beat! I love the storyline. If I had to pick which character would be the coolest to be like, it would for sure be one of the elves. Who wouldn't want to be able to shoot arrows that fast? Who wouldn't want to walk on snow and not leave a single footprint? The reality is though... if I had to pick a character that I most want to be like... it would be Sam. I want to be Sam. Not only do I want to be Sam, but I hope and pray for Sam's in my life.

I want to be the kind of friend that never leaves, especially when my friend wants me to leave. I want to love and be committed so deeply. I want to stick around when the going gets tough. I want to be a positive, encourager to the people the Lord has put in my life. I want to believe when they don't. I want to be able to say, "You may not be able to do this right now, but I will pick you up and carry you." Then I want to do it. I don't want to fear. I want to pick my friend up and carry them as far as they need to go. Sometimes I get to thinking what it is that stops me. What is it that only allows me to go so far? I think about being vulnerable in situations and then I just get plain shaky. Visibly shaky. All I can think of is rejection. Then I just wonder why I don't trust in God. The God that gave me words to share. I realize that by not speaking the truth He puts on my heart not only does the person who I don't allow myself to be vulnerable with not get the opportunity to be blessed, but I am not blessed then by blessing others. More than anything, God's words weren't shared and He was not glorified in that moment. It involves more people than just me.

1 John 4 talks a lot about love. It also talks about perfect love and how when we fear we are not loving because fear has to do with punishment. God wants us to love without fear. This is what I love about Sam. Frodo is constantly rejecting him. Yet, Sam knows his role. He knows he is there to love and encourage Frodo and he's not leaving. Frodo hurts him. Frodo is selfish. Sam loves him anyway. Sam runs into the water, knowing he can't swim, to go with Frodo. Sam hikes through crazy mountains only to push Frodo up. Sam doesn't eat because he knows his place. His place is to serve Frodo and to make sure he does what he is suppose to do.

I want to be Sam. I want to know that my role is to encourage and bless. It is to love God so much that I simply do not care if I am rejected. I want to be so free in His love that I can give freely without the expectation of receiving. Everyone needs a Sam. I want to be that friend to the people the Lord puts in my path.

That's just the truth. Everyone needs a Sam. I need Sam's in my life. People to encourage me and believe when I can't. Be excited when I'm just plain scared. Hug me when things are just rough. I can see Jesus' love so clearly in those moments. The moments when someone sacrifices something in order to serve me. The moments when someone is vulnerable to show me that I'm loved.

Living overseas is rough. I mean, life is just rough for anyone. It seems that living overseas just adds to this roughness. Every insecurity can creep in at the same time and smack you on the face. There is not one place that is comfortable and sometimes no where that is safe. I am blessed because my best friends and roommates and I have the same vision... unity in our home. However, because our community is mostly just the three of us, we see everything in each other. In turn, we get to see it in ourselves.

I was going through a particularly hard time. I mean, I was really struggling with purpose. I was pretty sure I didn't fit anywhere. This is a great tactic of the enemy. Making sure that I feel so out of place that I withdraw and all of the sudden our community falls apart. I was struggling. I couldn't figure it out. One day I got home and I was glad to be by myself. Glad to not have to try to talk, or try to stay out of my room. I was going to be able to be isolated... I was so relieved. I walked into my room and all I could think was how glad I was that no one was here. I was hot and I was dreading the coming summer. I sat down on my bed and was beginning to plan my night of being alone. All I could do was just sigh and thank Jesus for this time of isolation. Then I saw it. I saw it. It was a card on my desk. Zeynip had wrote me a card. I knew who it was from by looking at it from my bed because of the design she draws. It made me cringe because even though it's silly, when she draws that particular design it just naturally makes me feel special. I didn't want to feel special. Not from the people that I was running away from. Not from her. So I think about whether or not to open it or not. I think that I could just put with some other cards that were sent over that were meant to be opened at a later date. Then I thought that it might be rude. So I read it.

I could quote you the whole card because I read it so much. I read it the first time and just cried. Cried because my sister was Sam to me. I had rejected her time and time again for a few weeks. I had asked her to leave me alone. Telling her this was my burden, my race to run. Making sure she knew that I didn't need her one bit. I was being real selfish. Yet, she was Sam in that moment. She was my community in that moment. Drawing me back. Showing me grace. Fearlessly loving me. I read it again and again. Especially the part where she said she loved me and that though I felt alone, I wasn't. She was hurting with me. In that moment, the isolation dissipated. It was gone. Everything I worked so hard for those previous weeks just disappeared. I did hurt. The pain came rushing in, but it was ok. I knew that she would walk with me where I needed her to go. That she would climb with me and support me when I needed. I knew if I fell or was injured she would be with me until I was OK again and then just celebrate with me. I would be alright.

So, not only do I want to be a Sam, I need them desperately in my life. Everyone does. Everyone needs a Sam.

Everybody Needs a Sam (Gizem)

You know that great scene in Lord of the Rings, where Frodo is too weak to walk and carry the ring, then Samwise Gamgee fearlessly declares: I may not be able to carry the ring; but I can carry you! According to Arzu we all need a Sam. I believe her, but I think it’s so funny when she says it; because I know that she is a Sam kind of a friend. Actually both of my roommates are. I’m the one who tends to like the flash and pizazz, and being out front. But without Sam, Frodo only gets to see the finish line, but not cross over. I’m glad for friends like Sam, and Arzu and Zeynep who carry me when I can’t walk. Even more though, I want to grow in being a Sam like friend. Sam doesn’t care about the glory or fame, but he’s willing to do what it takes to help Frodo regardless of the cost to himself. Here’s to friends like Sam, and that we all aspire to be Sam like friends!

Birthdays and Surprises (Gizem)

Sooooo, I love, that is L-O-V-E surprises; both giving and receiving them. And normally I’m pretty good at keeping secrets; but never has it been so much WORK! When you live, work, play, pray, fight, cook, vacation, and eat together with the same people 24/7 it makes it pretty dang hard to not talk about the elephant in the room. In the past 2 months both of my roommates have had birthdays.



Now back home, if you have a birthday and nobody remembers, or it doesn’t go quite so well, it’s easy to bounce back, easy to forgive the one friend that forgot, family that barely remembered; or my personal favorite the person who calls on the day of your birthday, talks to you for half an hour but COMPLETELY forgets it’s your special day! Either way, although they range on the scale from major to minor depending on what birthday it is, and what everyone else in your community did for you, these offenses are easy to overlook. However when you are living abroad, and the same people are your community, family, co-workers, and friends. It puts much more pressure on you to do all their friends and family combined would do back home.

In addition to this, surprises are always more fun; so of course whatever you have planned you’ll want to be a “surprise.” My mental filter was working triple time to try and remember what was a surprise and what wasn’t.



So while I fully enjoyed celebrating and surprising…..er “surprising” my roomies, it sure is easier to speak without having to think…..or maybe that’s something I was supposed to learn in the process…….

Introduction

If you want to live in community with others you have to be willing to make a commitment. I'm not talking about until death do us part type of a commitment.... no wait, yes I am. If you want to live in community you have to be willing to make a commitment. To a certain degree, it has to be until death do you part.

What is genuine community living? I'm not sure I really know. I am sure that the three of us are beginning to find out. In this blog, all three of us will be writing about our perspectives on community living. We are fortunate because we live and work together overseas. So community living is all we have. We love each other deeply, but we are learning what that means. Most of all, what we have to be willing to die to in order to make this idea of community really work.

We will be writing under our alias. However, if you know us, you will know who we are. Mostly, we will be writing from our hearts. To encourage the rest of you who are living in community. We are humble in this, not at all believing that we are better than anyone. We are just people, struggling to live in close, genuine community. Struggling to not fear, to trust, and most of all to love. We love you and thank you for joining us on this journey. We hope it blesses you as much as it has blessed us.

Blessings!