Everybody Needs A Sam (Arzu)

I love Lord of the Rings. I don't just like it, I love it. I love the books, but recently I have watched the movies again. I love the movies because of the setting of the filming. I love the mountains and the beauty. I enjoy the action parts. The way it can keep you on the edge of your seat. I'm a sap, but I particularly like the love scenes. The sacrifice that is made for the sake of love, simply can't be beat! I love the storyline. If I had to pick which character would be the coolest to be like, it would for sure be one of the elves. Who wouldn't want to be able to shoot arrows that fast? Who wouldn't want to walk on snow and not leave a single footprint? The reality is though... if I had to pick a character that I most want to be like... it would be Sam. I want to be Sam. Not only do I want to be Sam, but I hope and pray for Sam's in my life.

I want to be the kind of friend that never leaves, especially when my friend wants me to leave. I want to love and be committed so deeply. I want to stick around when the going gets tough. I want to be a positive, encourager to the people the Lord has put in my life. I want to believe when they don't. I want to be able to say, "You may not be able to do this right now, but I will pick you up and carry you." Then I want to do it. I don't want to fear. I want to pick my friend up and carry them as far as they need to go. Sometimes I get to thinking what it is that stops me. What is it that only allows me to go so far? I think about being vulnerable in situations and then I just get plain shaky. Visibly shaky. All I can think of is rejection. Then I just wonder why I don't trust in God. The God that gave me words to share. I realize that by not speaking the truth He puts on my heart not only does the person who I don't allow myself to be vulnerable with not get the opportunity to be blessed, but I am not blessed then by blessing others. More than anything, God's words weren't shared and He was not glorified in that moment. It involves more people than just me.

1 John 4 talks a lot about love. It also talks about perfect love and how when we fear we are not loving because fear has to do with punishment. God wants us to love without fear. This is what I love about Sam. Frodo is constantly rejecting him. Yet, Sam knows his role. He knows he is there to love and encourage Frodo and he's not leaving. Frodo hurts him. Frodo is selfish. Sam loves him anyway. Sam runs into the water, knowing he can't swim, to go with Frodo. Sam hikes through crazy mountains only to push Frodo up. Sam doesn't eat because he knows his place. His place is to serve Frodo and to make sure he does what he is suppose to do.

I want to be Sam. I want to know that my role is to encourage and bless. It is to love God so much that I simply do not care if I am rejected. I want to be so free in His love that I can give freely without the expectation of receiving. Everyone needs a Sam. I want to be that friend to the people the Lord puts in my path.

That's just the truth. Everyone needs a Sam. I need Sam's in my life. People to encourage me and believe when I can't. Be excited when I'm just plain scared. Hug me when things are just rough. I can see Jesus' love so clearly in those moments. The moments when someone sacrifices something in order to serve me. The moments when someone is vulnerable to show me that I'm loved.

Living overseas is rough. I mean, life is just rough for anyone. It seems that living overseas just adds to this roughness. Every insecurity can creep in at the same time and smack you on the face. There is not one place that is comfortable and sometimes no where that is safe. I am blessed because my best friends and roommates and I have the same vision... unity in our home. However, because our community is mostly just the three of us, we see everything in each other. In turn, we get to see it in ourselves.

I was going through a particularly hard time. I mean, I was really struggling with purpose. I was pretty sure I didn't fit anywhere. This is a great tactic of the enemy. Making sure that I feel so out of place that I withdraw and all of the sudden our community falls apart. I was struggling. I couldn't figure it out. One day I got home and I was glad to be by myself. Glad to not have to try to talk, or try to stay out of my room. I was going to be able to be isolated... I was so relieved. I walked into my room and all I could think was how glad I was that no one was here. I was hot and I was dreading the coming summer. I sat down on my bed and was beginning to plan my night of being alone. All I could do was just sigh and thank Jesus for this time of isolation. Then I saw it. I saw it. It was a card on my desk. Zeynip had wrote me a card. I knew who it was from by looking at it from my bed because of the design she draws. It made me cringe because even though it's silly, when she draws that particular design it just naturally makes me feel special. I didn't want to feel special. Not from the people that I was running away from. Not from her. So I think about whether or not to open it or not. I think that I could just put with some other cards that were sent over that were meant to be opened at a later date. Then I thought that it might be rude. So I read it.

I could quote you the whole card because I read it so much. I read it the first time and just cried. Cried because my sister was Sam to me. I had rejected her time and time again for a few weeks. I had asked her to leave me alone. Telling her this was my burden, my race to run. Making sure she knew that I didn't need her one bit. I was being real selfish. Yet, she was Sam in that moment. She was my community in that moment. Drawing me back. Showing me grace. Fearlessly loving me. I read it again and again. Especially the part where she said she loved me and that though I felt alone, I wasn't. She was hurting with me. In that moment, the isolation dissipated. It was gone. Everything I worked so hard for those previous weeks just disappeared. I did hurt. The pain came rushing in, but it was ok. I knew that she would walk with me where I needed her to go. That she would climb with me and support me when I needed. I knew if I fell or was injured she would be with me until I was OK again and then just celebrate with me. I would be alright.

So, not only do I want to be a Sam, I need them desperately in my life. Everyone does. Everyone needs a Sam.